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― George Bernard Shaw

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For the Children's Sake

3/7/2016

18 Comments

 
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"I am not afraid of death,
​I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen
There are some of us who have refused to think about our own death, so the last thing we wanted to do was to make preparations for our final days.

I can admit I have been one of those people. I used to get a little emotional when my parents wanted to discuss their plans for their death. I honestly did not want to go there!

They would pull my brother and I aside and I knew the "final days" speech was coming. They put such importance on this "dark subject."

They stressed the importance of my brother and I knowing what they had done to prepare for their final days. In their eyes, we needed to know their wishes. My parents started this process in their late 50's. At the time, it appeared way too soon and I was not ready to hear it.

Now that I am approaching 56 fast and furious, I now get it!

I have to admit, it took losing my mother in law at the young age of 71 without warning, to push us into action. ​In the blink of an eye, she was gone from our lives. 

Thankfully...my sweet mother in law had every detail laid out for us. She also had been preparing many years prior and always talked to my husband about such things.

My husband being an only child, was very close to his mom. When the time came, she took care of it all and made the process much easier for him. He could grieve without having to worry about the difficult details of preparing her death. While there was much to do, the map was laid out for him.

​It was then that reality set in. We needed to also get our affairs in order. I have to say my husband was not a willing participant at first. 

From what I have read this is true concerning many couples. Usually one spouse is more ready to discuss this subject than the other one.

I would like to share with you our path in preparing for our final days.

​The bottom line is this...

We are not preparing for the final days for OUR sakes, but only for our CHILDREN'S SAKE.

It truly is one of the most loving things we can do for our children.
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We had to put on our thinking caps and ask ourselves many questions. What exactly did we want should we die suddenly? My husband was not thrilled about discussing these things. For me, it was like a long labor process in getting him to divulge information. I could tell this subject made him feel very uncomfortable. Honestly, I did not get any thrills talking about it either, but I knew we needed to get some things done. I did not hound him about it, but I began to find out what we needed to do in the preparation process. I began to feed him little bits of information at a time. This seemed to work for us and opened him up for more discussion later.

​The first line of business for us was finally getting our wills and advance medical directives drawn up. We should have done this years ago!

Thank goodness the children are now all  grown and the concerns over small children and their care is in our past.

We called around and found an affordable lawyer and made an appointment. It cost us about $800.00 for a will and advance medical directives. We appointed one of our children as the administrator, the one who would handle the details.  Too many hands in the pot can cause havoc. It is always good to have someone leading the parade.

We wanted "in writing" what we wanted in medical advance directives concerning being put on life support, feeding tubes, and many other concerns.

Every one has their own feelings concerning these things, but if you never make your wishes known, your end of life care is left in the hands of those who want to make the right decisions, but truly may not know how you feel.

Death can bring out the worst in people. We wanted to make sure we listed exactly what we wanted to happen concerning the estate and our health.

We can only pray that when the time comes, the children will continue to be the wonderful adults they are. We feel confident that they will do just fine.

​Once the will was completed, we began to think of where we wanted to be buried and if we wanted a regular funeral with a casket or cremation.

We are both Veterans so we decided to take advantage of the free burial offered by our local Veterans Cemetery. We also decided on cremation. We decided on these two details because it seemed the cheaper way to go. We told the children we just wanted a graveside memorial. Simple and easy was our main goal.

It is important to share with your children your wishes, as they may have no idea how you feel about certain things. Before you know it, they may feel the need to plan this elaborate funeral, thinking that is the right thing to do. It may place much stress on the children and their pocket books.

We did not want this to happen to our children. We are gone! Let them spend their hard earned money on our precious grandchildren.

​MINOR DETAILS MATTER!

​Perhaps the children may want to keep you on a mantel, but you do not want to be on the mantel! The children may think it a wonderful thing to scatter you, but this goes against your belief system. Perhaps cremation is against your spiritual belief system as well.

You should let someone know!

All these details need to be ironed out way before you say goodbye to this earthly body.

​Lastly... we contacted a funeral home and discussed the most affordable plan. We wanted to pay for our cremation so that the children would not have to worry over this at a later time. We found an affordable funeral home that took care of us. We even had a plan to pick up our body should we be traveling and will take our body back to our home town.

These are intricate details that were important to us.
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FOR THE CHILDREN'S SAKE...We can now go live life and have peace over our final days!
​
18 Comments
Brenda link
3/7/2016 06:44:38 am

You and your husband have been wise and loving. Funeral arrangements are difficult to make when one is grieving and even more so if the death was unexpected. I would add that one's home needs to be in order. I have gone through old papers and purged them. My closets are not stuffed anymore. In fact, I become ever more a minimalist and while I love the lifestyle it affords, it also leaves less for my child to do once I am gone. I see homes piled to the brim with things, beloved things, but are they loved by the people who will have to do something with them? Probably not.
The title of the post is very apropos. For the children's sake, we must face the fact that we will die and prepare for it. It is the final loving thing we can do for our children.

Reply
Kimmie
3/7/2016 07:38:00 am

Thank you Brenda. Now that it is done we have such peace and feel really good that our children will not have to worry over details.
God bless you!!
Hugs
Kimmie

Reply
Ann Davis
3/7/2016 08:46:18 am

I have had this in the back of my mind for years. Reading this got my attention and I will really try to attend to this. It does depress me a little. Guess that's why I kept putting it off. A wonderful article by you. Thank you.

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Kimmie
3/7/2016 05:59:21 pm

Hi Ann thanks so much for stopping by :) I am happy this helped push the process a little :) Hugs!

Reply
Ann
3/7/2016 09:11:17 am

Kimmie thank you for this article. I have been putting off paying for my cremation. Everything else is done. For the children's sake is an excellent title. It got my attention straightaway. Love you Kimmie!

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Kim
3/7/2016 06:00:27 pm

Hi my sweet Ann sure miss you!!! I am happy you are getting things in order now enjoy life to the fullest!! Love you!!!

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femmeflashpoint link
3/7/2016 01:47:35 pm

Kimi,

This post is so good. You've presented sensitive information in your gentle-style and good taste.

I love to share your work across the social networks but this one especially so.

Well done :)

Angelia

Reply
Kimmie
3/7/2016 06:01:34 pm

Hi Femme
Thank you so much! I know you have great knowledge in this area and thank you so much for your kind comment and sharing.
Love and hugs
Kimmie

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Martie link
3/8/2016 10:08:53 am

I've started this unpleasant task some time ago, but I still have to finalize my will on paper. Thanks for this reminder, Kim! Now you can enjoy the rest of your time on Earth. BTW, we also need to make sure one of our children knows where to find the passwords of our intellectual property on the Internet.

Reply
Kimmie
3/9/2016 12:03:03 pm

Thank you Martie! What a great reminder of our on line business. I must take care of those things as well. Bless you sweet friend

Reply
Mike
3/9/2016 09:52:14 am

Hello Kimmie. This is an important subject. You and Roy have such a sensible approach to these things. It is a delicate subject that has to be handled with finesse. I for one do not have finesse.

Reply
Kimmie
3/9/2016 12:04:47 pm

Hi Mike thank you my friend :)/I beg to differ you have much finesse lol
God bless
Kimmie

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Maria link
3/9/2016 08:09:20 pm

Wise words, dear Kimmie...

I can feel Mom nodding agreement from heaven. She taught by example. As painful as it was to lose her, I knew her wishes as she had prearranged and documented all her wishes.

Thanks for raising our awareness of some very sensitive but necessary matters. Love, Maria

Reply
Kimmie
3/10/2016 08:16:10 am

Hello Maria
What a blessing to have had a mother who loved you so much to take care of you before she passed into heaven. I am thankful that we were able to do this for our children.
God bless you always.
Love.Kimmie

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Sannel link
3/10/2016 11:24:04 am

Dear Kimmie,
Thank you for a very well written post regarding an important and necessary subject. You and Roy are great role models, and I think we all should follow suit. We never know when the day comes when it's too late to do otherwise.
Take good care, my beautiful friend.
Love and hugs,
Sannel

Reply
Kimmie Thompson
3/31/2016 05:34:09 pm

Thank you Sannel. So sorry I am just replying to your lovely comment. One step forward and three steps back most days. Lol. Sending lots of love
Kimmie

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Shauna
3/31/2016 01:17:20 pm

Kimmie, you and your husband are wise (and thoughtful) to take care of these details in advance. We never know when our day will come, do we?

I have a will in place. I actually made my own using software with legalese specific to my state. I had it notarized and gave a copy to my sister, who is my Executor. I also have a copy at home so my son can access it should he need to.

One thing I haven't done is make arrangements for my body. I know I want to be cremated, but hadn't thought about paying for it in advance. What if I change my mind about who I want to carry that task through? I guess it's something I should give some serious thought to, though.

I also have a life insurance policy in place that will ease any financial burdens for my son when I die. It's large enough to pay off the balance of my mortgage and still have several thousand left over. Since I only have 10 years left on my mortgage, I'm hoping to outlive that milestone by a long shot.

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Kimmoe
3/31/2016 05:36:58 pm

Dear Sha it sounds like you have everything in order and I know your son will appreciate the love that went into making his life easier. Yes we hope too that our end of life is a long way away but we can at least be at peace and live life to the fullest
Lots of love and thank you!!!
Kimmie

Reply



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